Halloween Inspiration Make-up

So this make-up is the makeup I will be attempting on Halloween. I already have a plan to get little diamonds for the bottom half of the costume anyways so why not put some on my face? This look is from the LoveGame video. Hopefully all goes well!

xox

Let's all start appreciating what we have. LIVE IN THE NOW!

so my speech class has really opened my eyes this semester. i have this insane teacher that stresses fighting your ego and being PRESENT in your life. notice the little things. take life as it comes and don't harp on the future or the past. now, i've always felt that i have been good at living in the now. turns out i'm for sure NOT good at it. or i wasn't before. i am seeing actual changes in the people in my class. i see how they are starting to care more about doing their homework and speeches and actually putting effort into them. it takes a really talented individual to break through college guy's "tough" shell, but my teacher is doing just that. i think he's got something special and he's really onto something when he says that we need to stop only caring about ourselves and be present in our own lives. i cant honestly say that i really really respect this man. and it doesn't hurt that he called my writing "virtually professional" and praises all of my speeches with A's. /ilikehimformorethanjustthatreason

idk if you've noticed, whoever the hell reads this, but i don't feel like capitalizing today.

anyways, today was a spectacular day. i swallowed all my "problems" that i create for myself and i lived in the present. and let me tell ya, it was fantastic. the weather was a crisp 60 degrees; fall is among us. i got a chance for the first time all year to wear my northface. it wasn't quite warm enough yet for my new tweed houndstooth pea coat. I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR IT so yeah i watched the sun set with my brother as we drove to whole foods with the windows down and the radio playing. the world was just peaceful for the evening, and everything felt calm and collected. the trees are still green and the grass is still alive, but that first chill of fall fell among chicagoland today. and i am happy to exclaim that i was present to witness it. as the plants start dying, i am born into the present and i will never look to the past or worry about the future. it just is a drag. if all people on this planet had my speech teacher for a semester, the world would be a far less scary place. er, less hateful at least.

whenever i need a reminder that life is beautiful, i will think of ron mark and how he told my class to be present. find beauty in the simple things in life. trust me, they are all around. a quote from one of my favorite movies is totally necessary in this blog.

"i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure. but don't worry. you will someday."
-american beauty

xox

Look, blogspot! I'm baaaack!

So I think it's been over a year since I've written here. And I figured since I'm for sure not majoring in something that will contribute to a writing career, I'll just start writing blogs again to fill my fix. Also, all of the fiveawesomegirls, who I am obsessed with watching on the ol' youtube, have blogspot accounts so I'll follow the example and start mine back up. Whew that was a horrible run-on sentence.
I've been in a really good place lately. My life is taking shape and I'm much older and wiser than I once was. I'm just happy. My life is pretty much centered around two things; going to school and youtube. Every day I watch charlieissocoollike, nerimon, fiveawesomegirls (the channel itself and the girl's individual channels), wheezywaiter, vlogbrothers, and pixiwoos. All of them I would fully recommend if you're feeling down or just bored. Warning: they can and WILL engulf your life.
Since I've been so up lately, I wanted to reflect on that by making a list of things I love and am thankful for. It sounds lame or whatever but I don't care. Maybe I've gotten lamer but I'm more content now with life than I've ever been. Here we go.

Things I love:
1. Fall and the fact that it is now turning cold.
2. Twitter
3. Cooking
4. Eating good food
5. Going shopping for new fall clothes
6. My family
7. Charlie McDonnell
8. Food Network
9. Reading
10. Cuddling up with a cup of tea
11. Writing
12. John/Hank Green
13. Art
14. Running
15. Make-up
16. Criticizing movies
17. Baking
19. Being hilarious
20. Re-reading Catcher in the Rye
Eh that's enough to list. Halfway through writing that I kinda realized how lame it was. Or maybe it's not. Idk. Anyways I have some major homework to do today, so I'd better get to it. I have to write a comparative art critique; Renaissance to Baroque crucifixion paintings. UGH well thanks for being so good to me, blogspot. I know I'll be back soon :)

xox

it's been awhile, blogspot

hey. it's me. who else would it be? i've never been so bored in my life and my friends do not like to hang out with me anymore. i'm the one who texts them first. i'm the one who keeps up the conversation. if i made no attempt i think i would be officially friendless. right now i am listening to my brother talk on the phone with my grandparents. it's mindless chatter that makes me want to kill myself. he describes literally every little detail of his lame life to them, like they give a shit. if i ask him a question while hes talking, he pauses and says "oh okay tracy just stopped me and wanted to ask me if i had the gummi bears, you know the ones my mom bought for me from the gas station, you know the one by our house, minute man, they are so good from there, and i had told her that they are in my room and she can help herself to them, i really do not mind." my grandparents do not have the time or the patience to listen to that. i know i sure as hell don't. it's a three hour long convo about him talking about himself and a play by play of what he has done within the past 24 hours. he might as well just write a fucking book about his life. i know he could fill it up quick.

so i leave for college in about 20 days. i'm not excited about it. i hate saint xavier. so far all i've seen are hicks and the nasty south side. i am a north side girl. i like civilization and contemporary surroundings. i do not like places where it seems to always be cloudy and depressing. at first glance it looks more like a mental institution than a university. but then again it is my fault i am stuck with it because i put off my college app choices until the very last minute. if i had my way i would be going to the beautiful SUNY at old westbury. but no. my mom says its too far away. i can't argue though, i am a homebody lately. i'm not ready for my whole life to change and to make all new friends with kids at this school that i'm predicting i will be miserable at. the only plus side is that my classes are awesome. i hope to spend my whole stay in my dorm learning about the interesting topics of my classes. psychology, philosophy, astronomy, world history, and honors english. at least sxu was nice enough to notice that i am great at english and complimented me by putting me in honors. i hope to also get into more writing in college. i've been on a song writing kick, all mostly horrendous, but maybe i can take a poetry writing course of some sort. also there is poetry club but i'm way too embarrassed to read anything that is an original tracy piece. i could always recite some brand new lyrics or something. while on the topic, i met jesse lacey. my dreams actually came true and i can now die knowing that i fulfilled my goal in life. the only problem is that i did not discuss his lyrics with him. i totally froze up. it was an out of body experience and the most surreal 3 minutes of my life. i cannot talk or think about it without hyperventilating. no joke, i really do. i suppress the memory into a generalized vision of the whole concert and then i don't freak out. if i start thinking about exactly how i felt and what i said... i can't. it's just too much for my fragile mind. has anyone noticed how much more focused i am only on myself now? i used to care about other people but i think that this world has an every man for himself kind of theme thus far. i tried caring and it really got me nowhere. i wanted to help the world, but i haven't the means to do so anymore. i have no money, i am completely broke. i have no resources and i know no one that believes in what i do. so how can i change anything in a one-woman show? i would get laughed at. the only way i feel that i can express anything is with lyrics that i've written. but they sound like shit and i do not know how to write melodies and i am completely musically retarded. i have a plan. to meet a guitarist in college and start an acoustic band, once i learn how to sing. i am terrible but maybe with lessons i can polish up my pipes and belt out lyrics, when i learn to write better ones. i also need to learn that not everyone in this world will have the same opinion as me. just because my friends do or act like they do doesn't mean everyone else won't always be as nice. i like what i like and i get defensive about it. i think i should try to change because then i get into degrading fights about it and get called a troll. not everyone thinks that brand new is the greatest band ever, but they should. i can't control it though. putting down brand new or jesse lacey really hurts my feelings because that is pretty much my whole life. it's like me putting down your profession. people aren't as sensitive as they should be. listen to me, i sound like holden caufield here. just... think about what i'm saying. if anyone reads this. and if this makes any sense at all. i'm not going back to read over this, it was just a rant. someone make me feel better please. i'm sorry about bashing my brother before, i love him. i'm just irritable.

#1 The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot -Deja Entendu

Ranking on Guitarasaurus's list: #10

There you have it. My favorite Brand New song. This song makes me speechless. It is IMO the best Brand New song out there, and is pretty much my favorite song out of any band. Now, I have seen Brand New in concert three times. I saw them at the Allstate Arena when they opened for Dashboard Confessional, at Congress Theatre with Thrice and Mewithoutyou, and at Lollapalooza. Out of all those times, they never played this song once. Both times that BN came to the House of Blues Chicago and I couldn't make it, they played this song. Do you know how mad I was? I have never seen this song live and it makes me crazy. I got so excited when Jesse Lacey brought out his acoustic guitar at Congress Theatre, but then he started playing the intro to Play Crack the Sky. I was near tears. I wasn't really expecting them to play this at Lollapalooza because they had a limited set and a drunken raging Rage Against the Machine audiance. I don't blame them for not playing a chilled out acoustic song.

The fact that this song is acoustic and still gets the recognition it does means that Brand New did something right. Whenever I watch the live videos of it on youtube (since I didn't get to see it in person!) it seems as though everyone in the crowd knows the words and they are singing right along. The lyrics of this song are the main focus IMO. Though the guitar and light drum work are fantastic, the lyrics are by far the best that Jesse Lacey has ever written. First hearing this song made Brand New my favorite band all the way back in eighth grade. Then later on I bought a 3 by 4 ft. piece of canvas and wrote these lyrics on it and stuck on the wall of my bedroom. It will come with me to my dorm when I go to college next fall.

The rumor is that this song is titled The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot because that is the nickname Lacey's father used to call him when they would play basketball together. I'm not completely sure if that's true since I'm pretty sure I read it off of wiki, but it makes sense. I kind of thought that it might mean a boy tried to block a bullet for someone else, but the bullet was meant for him to begin with. Take it however you want.

To be honest, no song has gotten me through more crap than this one has. It seems like no matter what I have ever gone through, this song has gotten me out and made me happy again. It has gotten me through every break up, fight with my friends, and everything in between. It probably will get my through all that stuff until the day I die. The song is not just a flavor of the week, it's my favorite for life. Besides all that, it's just a killer song to listen to any time of the day. It will always make you feel better. If you haven't tried listening to it when you're down, I highly recommend it. The first time it came on, I stopped everything I was doing and just listened. I listened to it on repeat for the next three months or so. I was addicted. I had become a Brand New fanatic. I figured that if they could write a song this meaningful, all of their other songs must be pretty bomb too. Guess what? I was right!

The intro is a light, simple rhythim from Jesse Lacey's acoustic guitar. His voice comes in sounding so angelic and more perfectly pitched than any other song. If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want, I already know what I am. The first line right there almost has you in tears. You can feel whatever emotion Lacey is trying to express. I'm sensing some major remorse and sorrow. Cue the drums. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. You can tell me how vile I already know that I am. Lacey knows what he did wrong, he's not trying to hide it. All he wants throughout the whole song is for this girl to be less sad. He knows it's his fault that she's sad in the first place. I'll grow old, start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. This shows that Lacey wants to grow up from his high school days (aka Your Favorite Weapon days) and then maybe him and this girl can have another shot. Though at the time of this song's release, Lacey was around 25 years old, he still acted childish. He feels like he needs to grow a lot older in order to be mature. A crown of gold. Heart is harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Ahh that last line gets me every time. It hurts when these two are together, but they miss eachother when they're broken up. I know that feeling all too well. Don't we all at some point? The crown of gold belongs to this girl while the heart of stone belongs to Jesse. They are opposites but still manage to love eachother somehow.

The repeated chorus throughout the song is beautiful, pretty much the best one that Brand New possesses. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. Glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget. This shows that Lacey had a reputation of being the "safe guy" to date, but as it turns out, he is far from that title. This girl has forgiven Lacey, sure, but will she forget over time? I certainly would if a beautiful song like this was written for me.
The second verse sends out a different tone. Lacey seems more distant and a tad more defensive. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state. You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way. Lacey is getting ready to forget about this girl and what he did. The first verse has an apologetic tone. This time around he's ready to move on. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. Lacey wants to be erased from her radar, kind of like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If it makes her less sad, he will stop living in her world completely and start his own anew. It's as cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. Oh boy, maybe this isn't all Jesse Lacey's fault. This girl must have done something bad in first place to make Lacey do something bad in return. What a delicious twist! So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution? You just wanted to be missed. So we find out that Jesse was dating an attention whore. The band and the fans and the touring became too much for this girl and sent Lacey packing.

After the second verse, we have another chorus and the lines You can forget are repeated. Honestly, people, do you know how hard it is to come up with the Best quote(s) for this song? Every part of the song is the best. Since it is so hard to choose, I'll just have to pick the entire ending.

Best quote(s): You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold, pale white like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second-hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins, holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. If reading that or listening to that does not make your eyes a little wet or give you chills down your spine, then I don't know what to say. Though the end is not very discriptive, you can still imagine what this girl looks like now. She is small with porcelain skin and a broken spirit. Lacey uses the best rhymes here, as you can tell. It all flows with such ease and perfection. At the very last line, Lacey states that even if he tried, he could not live without this girl because she is the blood running through his veins. Following this is another chorus, slowed down a little. This is by far the best Brand New song there is.

I hope that I could convince you readers a little that this song is number one worthy. It certainly is to me. If you haven't heard this song, please give it a listen. This is the song that made me a die-hard Brand New fan. Perhaps if you give it a listen, you'll become a fan too.

#2 Limousine -The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me

Ranking on Guitarasaurus's list: #3

Now, before all of you people cuss me out for this song not being number one, hear me out. This list was not based on how musically amazing these songs are. This is my own personal opinion of best Brand New songs. Though this song is fantastic, there is one song that means more to me than any other Brand New song. Let's go on with this thing, shall we?

Limousine is the fifth song off of Brand New's third album, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me. It is about a car accident that happened around Jesse Lacey's house hear Long Island, New York. It is the story of Katie Flynn, a seven year old girl who was killed in a car accident on the way home from a family member's wedding. She was the flower girl. Katie was in a limousine while her mother was in another one following her. A drunk driver got into a head-on collision with the limousine that Katie was riding in. She was decapitated and as they searched the car for her body, Katie's mother found her head several feet away from the car. Her mother held Katie's head torn from her body as the car was searched. The limo driver was also killed in the accident. This song pays homage to Katie's mother and family, the limo driver, and the drunk man who hit Katie's limo, who walked away with only minor injuries. Now, he has to live with himself killing two innocent people by making a stupid mistake by drinking and driving. This song teaches a lesson. Please, if anyone reading this is going to drink, do not get in a car who also has been drinking. Take a cab. If you are at a party, do not be afraid to call someone, even your parents for a ride. It's easier to get in trouble with your parents than it is do be killed and having them find out about it. Getting in trouble is more worth it than losing your life. To further learn about this accident, please watch this amazing video from youtube. It will touch your heart. Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9IRHu1F1Vw

The first verse of this song is beautiful. Jesse Lacey is singing from the perspective of a narrator. This song reminds me of the book In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. It, like the book, is told from many different perspectives who were involved with the car accident. Kate, it's your ride. Get your petals out and lay them in the aisle. This shows Katie as the flower girl of the wedding hours before her death. Pretend you're God and grow, and it's your day to wed. We have found your man. He's drinking up, he's all American. The drunk driver has been selected by God to do this horrible deed. This line takes a stab at how many drunk drivers America happens to possess. And he'll drive. He's volunteered with grace to end your life. You tidy up. It's sad to hold but leave your shell to us. This guy should have known what he was doing before he got into the car to drive home while intoxicated. You explode, you firefly. You tiny boat with all feather oars. The explosion symbolizes the car smashing into the limousine. Katie can't get anywhere in a boat with feather oars. And so, you satellite, you tidal wave. The tidal wave is the crash that no one sees coming. Soon, the perspective switched over to Katie's mother. You're a big surprise and I have one more night to be your mother.

As the first verse switches into the second, you can hear Lacey's voice getting a little higher, a little more mad. This is still the mother's voice coming in. Lacey, I think, tries to make his voice higher to sound a little more feminine to prove the mother's point. You can hear explosions softly and instruments being played out of tune to show pain and sorrow. This signal interrupts. My baby's frequency is not strong enough. Remain in my hands and smile. That last very disturbing line shows Katie's head in her mother's arms. We will miss you but in time you'll get set up. And we will rise. The family will rise into heaven while she gets set up there. Once they rise, she will be waiting for them, and they will all reunite.

Now we switch perspectives again. Here comes the drunk driver speaking, who did not die in the accident. Hey, you beauty supreme. Yeah, you were right about me. But can I get myself out from underneath this guilt that will crush me? He shows guilt for hitting her car and not being more responsible. And in the choir, I saw a sad messiah. He was bored and tired of my laments. He said "I'd die for you one time, but never again." The drunk driver has seen the limo driver as a spirit. This is what he means by the "sad messiah" he speaks of. The messiah says that he died for Katie, but he would not do it again. Lacey goes onto repeat Never again several times before the main part of the song.

The repeated lines throughout the whole song are I love you so much. Do me a favor, baby, don't reply. Cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it. I'm pretty sure that this comes back to the mother's perspective. As the song goes on, it comes to be One will love you so much... Two will love you so much... And so on. It goes all the way up to seven. The counting symbolizes how old Katie was when she was killed. One, two, three, four, five, six, and seven loved her so much as she turned that age. As seven is sung, the tense changes. Seven loves you so much. This changes because now can't possibly get any older, which makes the song all the more powerful. This is sung four times before the final guitar comes in at full force and ends the song. One of the best parts of the entire song is that guitar. It says just as many feelings as Jesse Lacey could write in lyrics. It expresses emotions that words can't express. I don't think Brand New has ever been so meaningful without lyrics. Then, just as quickly as a life can be taken by a drunk driver, the song ends with only distant playing audible. At 7:54, this song ends, making it the longest Brand New song.

I can honestly say that there is nothing wrong with this song. Like I said before, another song is just more meaningful to me personally. Even though this song is expected to be number one, at least there was a great write up to support it's number 2 spot. Number one is a fantastic song as well, and hopefully I can convince you guys the same.

Before the best quote(s) is revealed, I'd just like to point out that you really have to listen for it. It is not straightforward and cannot be heard unless you are listening for it. This is the part that gives the goosebumps and the shivers down your spine. Get ready.

Best quote(s): I'll never have to buy adjacent plots of earth. We'll never have to rot together underneath dirt. I'll never have to lose my baby in the crowd. I should be laughing right now. This can be heard at the last Seven loves you so much line and can be very quiet. This is Katie talking to her mother, expressing that perhaps this death could be a blessing in disguise. She's looking on the bright side, though there seems to be none. This is the only time that Katie's "voice" can be heard in this song, and putting it as back round lyrics is genius. This way, it seems as though she is talking as a spirit and not as a person. She wants everyone to know that it's okay and she's glad this happened. She should be laughing right now that she doesn't have to go through what we all have to go through as we get old. All of us can't be laughing yet because we are still alive and have to go through things. We cannot live in eternal happiness like she can. At least not yet.

#3 The Archer's Bows Have Broken -The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me

Ranking on Guitarasaurus's list: #22

When I saw this song at number 22 on the last list, I literally had to pick up my jaw from the floor and attach it to my face. For a while, I did not listen to any song besides this one. It was on repeat for a good 3 months. Can you blame me? I have never heard Jesse Lacey's voice sound so clear and perfectly pitched. It's like he is putting on a different tone for this one particular song. It all just flows perfectly.

Woah woah woah. Since when does Brand New have such a fabulous drummer? The drum intro to Archers is genius. Props to Brian Lane for that one. I'm no expert, but I'd say that's pretty fast drumming. The guitar that kicks in is pretty catchy, then Jesse Lacey's voice comes in full force. Who do you carry the torch for, my young man? Do you believe in anything? Do you carry it around just to burn things down? Carrying the torch symbolizes representation. This young man must not be doing a very good job representing his family or whoever is doubting him. Meet me tonight on the turnpike, my darling, cause we believe in anything. If we sweat all these debts then we're sure to drown. He is ready to start believing in his own beliefs and stop listening to everyone else. This young man has clearly made some mistakes, but he is too young to have to make up for them. He's in it for the fun, not for the apologies. So let's strap ourselves up to this engine now with a God that we found laying under the backseat. Typical TDAGARIM. This makes me think that young man and darling are going out on a fast-paced and potentially dangerous date. What wacky adventures could they possibly have this weekend?

The chorus is slightly softer and more compassionate. It also repeats throughout the whole song three times. Not too typical when it comes to Brand New. What did you learn tonight? You're shouting so loud you barely joyous broken thing. Lacey really puts emphasis on the word "joyous". It makes the song all the more beautiful. You're a voice that never sings, that's what I say. As if the person Lacey is singing to doesn't already know he is singing to them, he needs to remind them that this is him talking. And that's what must really hurt. You were freezing over hell. You were bringing on the end you do so well. You can only blame yourself, that's what I say. The whole "freezing over hell" thing just gives chills down my spine. Lacey again puts emphasis on the word "end". It makes the chorus a lot less dull and more Brand New like.

The second verse makes me think of You Won't Know. He talks to a father about his daughters going wrong. Oh, order your daughters to ignore me, think that will sort me? And sweep me under the rug? While you're beating with a book, everyone the book tells you to love. Lacey is clearly calling this father a hypocrite. He is telling his daughters to hate Lacey, but he teaches the Bible, which tells you to love everyone. Lacey goes on to explain that he is deeply in love with this girl and the God that he knows would not tell anyone who to love and who to not love. He does not need to compete with anyone else because He knows who loves Him and who doesn't.

After the second chorus, something beautiful happens. A small instrumental solo takes over. It almost sounds like beautifully broken instruments, and then comes Brian Lane with his fast drumming from the beginning. Lacey's voice then comes in louder and better than ever. Who do you carry the torch for, my young man? Do you believe in anything? Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground? It's the same words from the first line of the song, yet slightly different. Jesse shows a little more aggression this time around. He's getting serious. After another chorus, the song ends on a wonderful note with back round lyrics to the last chorus. Feels like we could escape, I don't mind throwing away the filthy silver song. If you try running the maze of your lies, it's too hard to save, if you've thrown out everyone. I think this is one last stab at the father before running off with the daughter. Bravo.

So, ahem. Why number two? This song is perfect. It is just as perfect as my number two and one. The next two songs just have more of a sentimental value to me. As perfect as this song is, (though it was number 22 on the last list) I couldn't put it any higher. Instrumentally speaking, and not only talking lyrics (which I usually do) this song takes the cake. It really shows Brian Lane's best drumming and some of Jesse Lacey's best lyrics.

Best quote(s): There is an ember in the heart of the kiln and it's burning hot with love. Burning out my center till there's nothing but dust. Then rolling me with care into your cigarette cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail. Wow. What does this even mean exactly? Let's break it down. Embers are the coals that when get super hot, turn a bright red color. A kiln is an oven like thing. The ember symbolizes this girl and the kiln symbolizes his heart. The fire in their relationship is so hot that it's burning him until theres nothing left but ashes. The God part is taking a punch at the father who preaches God, but the God Lacey learned about never competed with anyone else for a person's love. Oh my gosh, how does Lacey do it? He's pure genius.